Just chilling out waiting for my sofas to be taken away. Oh wait, that was five hours ago, and I still have my sofas. They won’t budge. I’m starting to wonder if they’re cursed – the mere suggestion of my sofas needing to be taken away is enough to turn even the most respectable house clearance professional into a paragon of unreliability. (more…)
I was walking to work today feeling a little impatient. Half-term is over so there were kids and parents dashing in and out of the school entrances along my route. It’s kind of like if there’s a beehive on a doorway and you have to perfectly time your dash through it to avoid any trouble. Okay, I guess it’s not exactly the same. This is more like a tunnel – door after door of beehives – it takes probably about two minutes to traverse the danger zone. And in my case there are two of them.
Here comes another installation of the Is it? Yes, that’s almost motivational Chronicle! I’ve been feeling pretty great lately. I stopped this morning and wondered why. I thought, “gee, everything seems to be going so well right now! It’s probably that.” But then I thought some more and realised, “what are you on about? You’re just ignoring anything that’s going wrong!” I should point out at this time I was over an hour late to work.
A couple of weeks ago I went to Westminster to interview a member of the Cabinet. I know what you’re thinking… Well okay maybe I don’t – I’m not a mind reader. But apparently that’s the kind of thing I do these days, which surprises me daily because I never tried to get into politics.
I went to the gym last week. Emphasis on ‘went’. When I got there it was busy. All the stuff I wanted to use was in use – everything. I thought I ought to sit down and wait. Then I noticed it. I was intimidated by all the muscley guys getting their pump on. I didn’t want to sit down in there. All that focused energy made the atmosphere intense. It triggered something primal. I immediately ran away. To the train station.
I thought to myself, “I don’t really enjoy the gym anymore.” It was fun when it was all new and interesting. Now it’s a chore. My new hobby is to come up with excuses for why not to go and instead enjoy the warm fuzzies of acquiescence to sloth. It’s disgustingly indulgent, like eating a plate of Belgian waffles. Yummy.
It’s not all good though. Failure for lack of self-discipline serves to overtly affront my character. I mean let’s get real here – how can I wax egoic, thinking to myself all day about how amazing I am, if I’m so easily toppled by wants for material comfort? A slap-in-the-face contradiction. I’m better than that.
There’s a life lesson I learnt from Disney: Aladdin was a diamond in the rough. Thanks Disney, I hear what you’re saying. There’s a gemstone in all of us. Inside me there’s a Bruce Lee lurking. A Mo Ali weaving. I know what’s inside me, but do you? How could you? Inside everyone there’s a gemstone, surrounded by imperfection. Are you gonna keep it to yourself? Or are you gonna show it to the world? It’s time to break out the Mr Sheen. Polish ’til you shine. Who are you really? Show me.
It’s time for a revolution. One life, one chance. It’s all a choice. Weakness or strength. Flaws or perfection. The current regime is weak – overthrow it! The rulers are unprincipled – oust them! It’s time for a personal revolution. Embrace the struggle. Time to DO and let those who can’t keep up marvel from the sidelines.
The crowd’s eyes trained on me. Blink and you’ll miss it. The world better be watching, ’cause here I go.
I passed my driving theory test on Tuesday! To do so I had to answer ridiculous questions about whether diesel was slippery, followed by clicking a mouse button every time I saw a pedestrian. Now when I’m hitting the open roads and a pedestrian walks out in front of me, I’ll think, “CLICK!”, then wonder why 5 years later I’m still writing letters to the Driving Standards Agency blaming them for my vehicular manslaughter. Is that my imagination running away from me? Hard to tell sometimes. (more…)
Last weekend I was invited to London for a weekend of fun things. My train landed in Paddington. I could tell I was in London because of all the barbed wire, spikes and CCTV. It was so exciting. I transferred to the tube and went to King’s Cross so that I could visit Platform 9 3/4, but it turns out I was in King’s Cross St. Pancras, which didn’t have any fractional platforms at all.
Slugs everywhere this morning. Snails too. Was trying not to step on any because I thought that if I were a slug, my day would be bad enough already without someone stepping on me. Snails too, which are kind of like posh slugs. I like to think of them as slug home-owners. The prospect of stepping on someone’s home wasn’t appealing either, so I did an awkward walk, staring at the floor all the way to the train station.
I drove to Bristol on Saturday. There’s nothing like getting out on the open road and just… driving. Yep, that would have been great. Way better than sitting in queues for miles, as is what happens when you drive to Bristol. But, one day soon, I’ll be able to experience that feeling – the wind through my hair, the scenic country roads. Not too soon as they make you wait weeks for a driving theory test, but eventually. Today I’m writing about how to succeed without motivation.